Clarity??

So I called my brother tonight for some much needed guidance. He is currently working on his 3rd college degree after graduating from Yale. He is attending Boston University and he's gonna be a preacher man... in case you can't tell, I'm pretty proud of him :)

Anyway, because he has been my rock through this whole horrible thing, and because he is literally a genius, I needed his point of view and advice. I asked him what I could do to stop being so angry about Doug getting away with what he did. I told him that even I know it is not healthy to only be able to sleep if I think about all the ways Doug could and should be maimed and killed... seriously, not good. I told him that although I knew he would be judged by God in the end, it doesn't help the here and now.

Shelby told me of different religious beliefs concerning repentance and God's forgiveness. He explained to me that although Doug may decided to believe in God one day and even be saved, that it isn't enough. See, it's one thing to ask God's forgiveness, but another to truly repent and own up to what you did. He would have to show a true change in character and try and make things right in some way. This includes asking my daughter's forgiveness and admitting what he did. THAT is the way to truly have God's forgiveness.

Doug will never do these things because he is a coward- I know this. I know he will meet God one day and be sent where he belongs... it will be hot there. I guess it means time- time to accept that while still alive, Doug will not be held accountable. Time to heal from what he has done. It's hard though, it doesn't seem time is moving fast enough. I become the most angry when I see my daughter having a hard time. Knowing he will be out tomorrow has been real hard on her- she doesn't sleep well lately because of nightmares, she's on edge, worried. As a mother, it breaks my heart and then I get really pissed off at what he's done to her.

There's nothing I can do about the injustice of it and that's also hard as a mother. When you're baby is hurt you want the one who did it to pay... and in the case of Doug, he hasn't paid at all.

So tomorrow morning I will receive a call from the VINE network letting me know the sick bastard is out. It will suck, I'll be in a supremely bitchy mood and I can guarantee I will go to bed dreaming of big semi trucks smashing into him and Lucifer, crushing them just enough die a slow and painful death while fully conscious. The next day will be totally different because I will be finishing Christmas shopping, then Christmas day, then.... I am hoping that every day will be better, that every day my daughter and I will continue to heal from Doug's abuse and to focus on the fact that he didn't win- not really.