The Calendar

I have the school calender hanging in our kitchen. I went in the other day to check when Christmas break starts and saw MaKayla's handwriting.

The box for December 4th had the word 'Dance!!!' marked in it. On the 12th, 'Nikki's Party!!'. On the 19th, 'Our Family Christmas!!!'. And on the 23rd, 'Doug gets out of jail :('.

I hate this. I wish that particular box didn't have to be marked until years to come. I hate it that when that day comes, nightmares and anxiety attacks may follow. I hate that I couldn't lie to her and tell her he wasn't getting out until she was grown. I hate it that he will spend Christmas around unsuspecting children and their ignorant parents.

I know he will get his, I believe in a just God... even though His plan in all of this continues to elude me. I know that he could end up in jail again by doing something stupid to violate his probation. I know that MaKayla is better than him, his kids, his family and everyone else associated with him. I know she will grown up to succeed in ways that all of them could never hope to reach. I know she is stronger and has the kind of love and support and protection that the kids around him will never have. I also know, sadly, that she will not be his last victim.