I didn't really know how to respond. I have family and friends but it's hard because they don't know what it's like. Not that I don't appreciate the support they can give, but I don't feel like I'm healing at the pace that's been set for me. Case in point: When MaKayla was at the height of her PTSD, her counselor, teacher and child psychologist all agreed that she shouldn't have homework, that because of her night terrors, anxiety attacks and flash backs she had enough to deal with. Holy shit, you would've thought they had suggested converting to satanism! I got a lot of attitude for that.... and why? Because people couldn't understand the following: That healing from this is a long process and that these are professionals.... I'm pretty sure that all the combined education makes them qualified to come to this conclusion. Also, I am her mother and dammit I depend on all these professionals to guide me through this disaster. And yet, I caught shit for it.
So although I love my family, I don't feel like I can go to them and cry and scream and have any kind of true support.
Support groups. I hate whiny people. I know this is stupid, since I would, in a sense, be one of them, but to surround myself with other moms and hearing story after story after story... really don't think it would help me move forward. Might make me eat more, which judging from the current size of my ass would NOT be helpful.
So I don't know what to say to this. I truly think that time is the answer. I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time. I appreciate the support that is offered, from those who don't judge out loud, who don't tell me what to do. I find the most comfort from those who have been there as children- it helps to know what they needed during the teenage years, what they needed to hear and how they felt. Hell, I'm just floating along, winging it.
So, i know you said that Support groups aren't your thing, but think about finding some blogs to read. There are bound to be some out there of others who have gone through this and are trying to heal also. But just reading their healing process it might help you too. And there wouldn't be any need to participate in a group setting like a support group would, or be forced to listen to the whining. I think it could help you feel "normal" though, like the things that you are feeling and dealing with are the same for some others and that you are doing the right things for MaKayla. Consider it. If you need help finding any to read let me know. I spend all freaking day on the internet NOT working. :)
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