Saying Goodbye

I'll skip to arriving home-  I had dropped MaKayla off at my parents, a suggestion made at the camp.  I had called CPS from the road after Timmy fell asleep in the backseat, letting the lady with the monotone voice know that MaKayla was not coming home with me that day.  She let me know that I should expect a visit on Monday.  I had also called Doug's mom but that conversation will have to wait.

Doug was supposed to meet the kids and I at his aunt and uncle's house after going to some nerd-fest-renaissance fair with his friend.  I'm going to call this friend and his wife John and Jane Doe, just because I'm not very original and it kinda makes me laugh.  I remember leaning into the sliding glass door with my cell phone, (figures we would live in the only area with shitty cell reception) trying to reach John on his, leaving messages that Doug had to come home right away.  I called his wife Jane, asking her if she could try and reach them.  She asked me what was wrong but I couldn't say the words, so I just told her I couldn't talk about it right then.

Timmy was in the living room and I went to sit next him.  I knew I had lost him and his sister, that my little family was just blown apart and that their nightmare of a mother would never allow me to be in their lives.

I should say now that in the 45 minute drive from Snoqualmie to Puyallup, I had convinced myself that the accusations weren't true.  I wasn't told of the details of her accusations, just that they had been made and that it had been determined that there were enough details to warrant a call to CPS.  So me deciding not to believe her meant that my daughter was a liar in the most horrible way.  I knew that once I told Doug what she had said he would be devastated and angry...  and that he had every right to feel that way.  I was prepared to watch him come unglued and scream and yell and deny and do all the things I would had one of his kids accused me of something so awful.

So as I sat down next to the little boy with enormous blue eyes and chubby cheeks covered in freckles, I knew that the time I spent with him then would need to count, that hopefully it would be something good he remembered.  We talked about camp, and he told me he learned the story of Moses.  He asked me where in the Bible that story was.  I went to my bookshelf and pulled out one of my easy to read Bible's and showed him the different places the story was written.  I told him he could have it and he gave me a huge hug.  I held on tight and told him over and over how much I loved him and how proud of him I was.  I told him to make good choices, to stop yelling at his mom and to be patient with his sister.  I told him to work hard in school so he could be better than all of us adults when he grew up.  I managed to keep it together for those couple of hours.

Timmy's sister, I guess I'll name her Marie, hadn't been to our house for a couple of months.  I knew I wouldn't have a chance to tell her the things I wanted and hoped that all the times I had told her I loved her and was proud of her would stick through the nightmare that was going to begin.  I knew their mother (I'm naming her Lucifer) would take Doug's side no matter what and say horrible things about me and MaKayla.  She had shown extreme jealousy over my daughter and I the previous year, doing sneaky things to try and come between Doug and I.  I knew this would be just the situation to throw herself into his corner and try and get him back after 8 years.  I was hoping at that point that there wouldn't be some horrendous scene when Doug told her.